Comedian Sofie Hagen has not had sex in 3,000 days (and counting). And it turns out, she’s not the only one . . .
In an attempt to find out why we’re not having the sex we want, Sofie asks the questions: can we blame a lacking sex education? Is it all just sexual trauma? Where’s the radical sexual liberation we were promised? What are we going to do about this? Should she have slept with that guy in that bush that one time? How do you overcome being a 35-year-old virgin (when it comes to queer sex, that is)? How do the socially awkward and the neurodiverse have sex?
In Will I Ever Have Sex Again?, Sofie Hagen explores the quirks and difficulties of being an ‘involuntary celibate’ (but one of the feminist, progressive ones). With a blend of memoir and conversations with experts, therapists, sex workers, porn stars, comedians and public figures, this is a humorous and bold undertaking to gain a better understanding of how we can think, talk and feel about sex.
My thoughts: this was a really interesting read, bits of it were very funny, because Sofie Hagen is a funny person, and bits of I were very insightful too.
I found Sofie’s exploration of sex, sexuality, gender identity, and the body intelligent and thought provoking. At no point was any of the discussion gratuitous or rude, and the range of people quoted, from academics to porn performers and drag kings, added to the discussion in new and interesting ways.
While exploring their own gender and sexuality, Sofie also shared a sample of different stories, some anonymously from the 1,800 responses to their survey and others from friends and experts. I liked the differing experiences and perspectives on the questions being raised. It felt like a collaborative exploration of the themes and showed that we all experience sex, love, sexuality and gender differently. I actually filled out the questionnaire, which was very insightful and made me think a lot about my own experiences and feelings.
Despite Sofie’s stated plan to end with an orgy, there isn’t really an overarching narrative, it’s more a collection of thoughts and experiences as Sofie gets to know themselves better and understand how others see the same things with their own perspective. We are all a collection of our thoughts, feelings and experiences after all.
The book felt like a great jumping off point to asking yourself about how you truly feel about sex, relationships, sexuality, gender identity and your own past, present and future, whether you’re currently having sex with another person or not. It has certainly raised questions in my mind that I need to work through.
I’ve seen Sofie perform before and am planning to go and see them again later this year, while this book didn’t make me more or less interested in them, I did think they gave a large insight into themselves, and opening yourself up to scrutiny like this is incredibly powerful. I know there will be negative responses, but I personally feel more positively towards Sofie, like I know them better and understand them more.
Because of the feelings the book might raise, I wouldn’t say it’s the easiest of reading and it may well ring bells within you, especially in the chapter about sexual assault and rape. So save this for when you feel safe and able to evaluate yourself. I wouldn’t say it’s one for reading on the bus to work for example, definitely more for at home on your own. But it is definitely worth reading.
*I was kindly gifted an advanced copy of this book, which will be published in May, but all opinions remain my own.
ramblingmads 