A respectable septuagenarian steals a valuable painting and later tries to return it, with a little help from her friends.
Bored National Trust volunteer, Maureen, steals an obscure still life as a giant up-yours to all those who’ve discounted her. The novice fine art thief is rumbled by some fellow room guides, but snitches get stitches, camaraderie wins out and instead of grassing her up, they decide to help.
Often written off as an insipid old fart, Maureen has a darker side, challenging ingrained ideas of how senior citizens should behave. Her new set of friends make her feel alive again. No longer quite so invisible, can this unlikely pensioner gang return the now infamous painting without being caught by the Feds?
I wrote this after hearing a radio interview in which an art detective revealed how a stolen Titian was dumped at a bus stop outside Richmond station. In a red, white and blue plastic bag! I just couldn’t shake such a compelling image. I volunteered at Ham House for many years, and my passion for this Jacobean gem, together with the volunteers’ indomitable spirit, gave birth to my unlikely anti-hero.
With over five million members, the National Trust is a huge British institution. Yet, next to nothing has been written about it in terms of contemporary fiction. Until now.
While No Oil Painting explores themes of insignificance and loneliness in older age, particularly for women, it is mainly intended to entertain and offer a small haven in dark, uncertain times.
With a BA in English and Philosophy, Genevieve worked for eleven years at the Weekend FT, where she helped create and launch How To Spend It magazine.
She volunteered for years as a National Trust guide at Ham House. This became the setting for her debut art heist novel, No Oil Painting, which was listed for the inaugural Women’s Prize Trust and Curtis Brown Discoveries, and was published by Burton Mayers Books on 10th October 2025.
Her writing uses dark humour to probe the difference between our perception of people and their true selves. The gulf between what is said and what is meant. She considers people watching an essential skill for any writer; overheard snippets of conversation or a bonkers exchange at a bus stop are like gold nuggets. She’s been known to follow people to catch the end of a juicy conversation or argument. Women aged over fifty are essentially invisible anyhow and she views this as a kind of superpower.
Unlike her protagonist Maureen, she hasn’t used this to commit art theft. Yet.
Giveaway to Win National Trust chocolate, and a Ham House towel and fridge magnet (Open to UK Only)
My thoughts: This was a very funny and entertaining read, I loved Maureen and her careful planning of an art heist. She’s fed up of being invisible and overlooked. People seem to assume she’s not very clever, and that she’s not capable of anything as complex as stealing a painting in a busy and popular National Trust house, which it turns out, she absolutely is.
Some years ago I volunteered in a charity shop, most of the other volunteers were older women and they were fascinating, they’d all done interesting jobs and had lots of stories (my favourite was Carol – who used to work for a law firm which had celebrity clients, she met Julie Andrews and said she was very grand and a bit rude! I was shocked, she had great stories)
Maureen is very like those volunteers, she doesn’t want to just sit around at home and still has plenty to contribute. Her volunteering gives her something to do, and the National Trust, like many charitable organisations, relies on its volunteers. But even her fellow retired volunteers don’t think she’s quite as clever and cunning as she turns out to be.
I hope Maureen and her friends get up to more hijinks, maybe not too many crimes, but they certainly deserve adventures, and all sorts of things can happen at an old, possibly haunted, house!
*I was kindly gifted a copy of this book in exchange for taking part in this blog tour, but all opinions remain my own.
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ramblingmads 
Thanks for this great review! You’re right, some of these volunteers have the best stories.
As we get older, us women should all embrace our inner Maureen. Possibly not the art theft…
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